The Interview-My Highs and Lows

I was born in Trenton, New Jersey: The Garden State as they call it…well, anyone from New Jersey will sure tell you, most of the vegetation is missing a fertilizer or two. That’s a whole different story in itself, so, back to the interview at hand. I’m the product of an unknown and a mother, who did “her best”. (Mind you, I use the word unknown to reflect the lack of presence and a few other elements I will detail in later posts.) I learned to cook and clean at age six and I became a full-time working parent at age 15. 

I was blessed with several brothers and sisters to raise (from various sources). As a result,  I turned to an older man, six years my senior. His paycheck–which I stole on most occasions and paid for heavily with routine beatings–took care of all of us. Then, by 18, I decided to start my own little family. Much to my immature, unaware self, I was nowhere near ready for my own family.  Note to younger self: You start off doing what you think is the right thing, but the sad fact is that due to your lack of knowledge and guidance, this is the furthest thing from any truth you could fathom.

My first husband was my first everything (if you catch my meaning). Our “romance” started as playmates in a semi-secluded neighborhood with multi-racial friends and a very backwoods knowledge of racism. We were friends before lovers. As they say, maybe it should have stayed that way, because for five years, I maneuvered through a relationship blinded by all the fears and misconceptions from my own shortened childhood.

1. I was going to be a better parent then the ones bestowed upon me!
2. I was going to give my kids all of the missing elements of my childhood!
3. Life for them will be better!

All of these promises to myself, yet, the adolescent in me wasn’t prepared to climb the monumental task of parenting. Three kids later and a wired-jaw for eight weeks, I was divorced and a single mother. Yet hope was not lost.